My nipple is on Facebook.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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