Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
