Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
