he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
