Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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