ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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