did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize