i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
