i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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