I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
