I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
