Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
