I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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