Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
