Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
