Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
