oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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