I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
