I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize