im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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