Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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