I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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