If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
