btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
do nipples grow back?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
