Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
