I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
