forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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