I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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