AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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