if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
