I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
