Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
