my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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