He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
