i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
