mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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