i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
