I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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