I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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