Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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