I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I pour the whiskey from now on
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
