MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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