Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
