did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
