so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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