I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
