I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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