My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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