Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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