Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
