I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
