Already got asked if we're dating
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
