The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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