she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
