i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
