Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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