i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize