you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
