It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
